


You Shitposted In The Right Neighborhood

by Delirious_Danni, TheDevilsParadise



Category: Assassin's Creed RPF, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Assassin's Creed III, Assassins creed is also apart of this, Bottom Park Jimin, Connor is our son, Daddy Issues, Daddy Kink, FTM!Jimin, FUCK, Jimin is a fuckin hoe, Jin is an overprotective mom, Jo Kwon - Freeform, Kim Heechul - Freeform, M/M, MK Ultra, Mental Health Issues, Minor GOT7 (Ensemble), Multi, New York, Nonbinary Character, Original Character(s), Other, Power Bottom Park Jimin, Recreational Drug Use, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Male Character, gay shit, native shit, tae is a conspiracy theorist, taehyung is a furry, text fic, they all gay af, this is a mess lmao, you thought I was lyin when I said this is a shitpost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2018-12-18 02:08:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 10,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11864421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delirious_Danni/pseuds/Delirious_Danni, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDevilsParadise/pseuds/TheDevilsParadise
Summary: This is literally just a massive drunk shitpost im sorry





	1. Where's The Maknae

**Cum Dumpster** : Hey have yall seen the little gay one?

 **Furry Fucker:** Jimin that’s you

 **Cum Dumpster** : Fuck you

 **Furry Fucker:** ya already did

 **Wine Mom** : Did you lose the fucking maknae again? (:

 **Cum Dumpster** : no

 **Furry Fucker:** lol ye

 **Wine Mom** : Jimin can you come over real quick? ((:

 **Cum Dumpster** : I gotta meet someone lmao bye

 **Furry Fucker** : Your dick appointment isn’t till 4 tho

 **Cum Dumpster** : Tae if u dont

 **Furry Fucker** : What are you gonna do you daddy kink havin fuck? Expose me for being a furry? Bc you did that last week what else you got on my ass? I’ll expose my ass faster than you’d spread it for Namjoon

 **Daddy Kink** : what

 **Cum Du** mpster: nOTHING

 **Furry Fucker** : lmao brb gonna get choked out by a dwarf

 **Your Problematic Fav** : I like how he just accepts death

 **Furry Fucker** : not the first time he’s choked me ;D

 **Cum Dumpster** : I am gonna do more than choke you you fucking furry

 **Furry Fucker:** My tail is quaking

 **Cum Dumpster** : I

 **Cum Dumpster** : okay

 

_Cum Dumpster has left_

 

 **Furry Fucker:** i think the fUCK NOT

 

_Furry Fucker has invited Cum Dumpster to the chat_

 

 **Wine Mom** : They’ve been gone for ten minutes should we be concerned

 **Your Local Mess** : no

 **Wine Mom:** yOONGI WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT

 **Your Local Mess** : lmao idk

 **Your Local Mess** : Some subway station

 **Your Local Mess:** I don’t have pants on pls send help

 **Wine Mom** : Yoongi I swear to all that is holy if you don’t hop on that subway and get your whiter than Hobi’s brick of cocaine in the closet ass back home I will find you and trust me we don't want that do we? (:

 **Your Local Mess** : u don’t scare me

 **Your Local Mess** : Guys he found me in 15 minutes and he decked me and said “Do you fear me now you unstable assbag?!”

 **Wine Mom** : do u

 **Your Local Mess** : sure if it’ll make you leave me tf alone

 **Furry Fucker** : Guys Jimin just pushed me off the balcony

 **Your Local Mess:** did u die

 **Furry Fucker** : no?

 **Your Local Mess** : Damn

 **Furry Fucker** : listen here you unmedicated piece of shit

 **Your Local Mess** : ok listening

 **Furry Fucker** : die

 **Your Local Mess** : I’ve been trying for years

 **Furry Fucker** : well shit Yoongi didn’t know your role in this squad was to make everything emo

 **Your Local Mess** : Well I’d rather be the emo instead of the annoying furry drag queen

 **Furry Fucker** : I

 **Furry Fucker** : I see where I stand

 **Your Problematic Fav** : Ight so yall I fucked up and now I work for the black market lmao

 **Daddy Kink** : how in the fuck

 **Your Problematic Fav** : craigslist

 **Daddy Kink** : I see

 **Cum Dumpster** : Am back

 **Furry Fucker** : How was the dick

 **Cum Dumpster** : 4/10 I think he was straight too tbh

 **Furry Fucker** : Gross straight people

 **Daddy Kink** : I’m straight

 **Your Problematic Fav** : hA AND I DON’T HAVE DADDY ISSUES

 **Daddy Kink** : But you do

 **Your Problematic Fav** : e x a c t l y

 **Wine Mom** : but fr where is Jungkook


	2. The Mac and Cheese Incident

**Cum Dumpster** : Jungkook wanted to go to a gay bar so we took him and 6 shots in he was shirtless riding a giant mechanical dick like a bull so

 **Wine Mom** : are you fucking kidding me

 **Cum Dumpster** : no

 **Wine Mom** : did u get video

 **Cum Dumpster** : no

 **Wine Mom** : I’m more mad that you didn’t record it than you losing my baby son

 **Edgy Emo** : lol im hungover

 **Wine Mom** : JUNGKOOK WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

 **Edgy Emo** : dont yell at me it hurts

 **Wine Mom** : fine

 **Wine Mom** : Jungkook sweetie where are you so I may pick you up? (:

 **Edgy Emo** : a bathtub

 **Edgy Emo** : lol wait im at ur house Jin lmao check ur bathtub

 **Wine Mom** : h o w

 **Edgy Emo** : You don’t lock your windows and I am an idiot when im drunk

 **Your Local Mess** : are u sure its only when ur drunk

 **Edgy Emo** : fuckin Yoongi whats good

 **Your Local Mess** : Nothing actually I crave death

 **Edgy Emo** : I thought I was the emo one goddamn

 **Your Local Mess** : you thought bitch

 **Cum Dumpster** : Jin how do you clean up a flooded bathroom

 **Wine Mom** : fuck if i know why

 **Cum Dumpster** : Tae

 **Cum Dumpster** : My lovely Tae

 **Cum Dumpster** : Is a fUCKING IDIOT AND DECIDED TO MAKE MAC AND CHEESE WHILE RUNNING A BATH

 **Wine Mom** : Did you maybe Idk turn off the water?

 **Cum Dumpster** : No. I'm just gonna let the water running in a flOODING BATHROOM OF COURSE I TURNED OFF THE FUCKIN WATER

 **Wine Mom** : You wanted my help chill your ass. K? (:

 **Cum Dumpster** : Now is not the time

 **Furry Fucker** : wait I put the stopper in…?

_Cum Dumpster has left the chat_

**Your Problematic Fav** : Lmao rip Tae

 **Furry Fucker** : all I wanted was to take a bath and eat mac & cheese

 **Furry Fucker** : He beat my ass

 **Edgy Emo** : I thought he was the bottom oops

 **Furry Fucker** : Jungkook

_Furry Fucker has invited Cum Dumpster to the chat_

**Furry Fucker** : Jimin Jungkook called you a bottom

 **Cum Dumpster** : lol yeah thought that was common knowledge

 **Furry Fucker** : o


	3. Flat Earth and The Thirst

**Furry Fucker** : gUYS

 **Cum Dumpster** : Oh god not here too

 **Furry Fucker** : I met a flat earther

 **Wine Mom** : a what

 **Cum Dumpster** : boi if you dont

 **Furry Fucker** : a flat earther is someone who genuinely believes the earth...is flat

 **Daddy Kink** : I mean what if it is

 **Furry Fucker** : I will not be friends with a flat earther

 **Daddy Kink** : Not saying I am but what if

 **Furry Fucker** : iF THE EARTH IS FLAT THEN HOW DO WE HAVE SEASONS BOIIIII

 **Daddy Kink** : fair point

 **Wine Mom** : guys we lost Yoongi

 **Your Problematic Fav:** again?

 **Wine Mom** : yes again you drugged up piece of shit

 **Your Problematic Fav** : I

 **Edgy Emo** : wATCH OUT FOR MY BODY ROLLS WATCH OUT FOR MY BODY ROLLS HIGH KICKS HIGH KICKS THIS IS HOW WE DO IT

 **Wine Mom** : That’s nice Kookie but we have to find Yoongs

 **Your Local Mess** : I’m fine guys I’m just in a hospital in Texas

 **Wine Mom** : You’re what?(:

 **Your Local Mess** : Okay look I disassociated and ended up in texas and Yoongo got shoto ok don’t worry about it

 **Wine Mom** : Min Yoongi I swear to god

 **Edgy Emo** : GUYS I JUST GOT A VAPE

 **Cum Dumpster** : oh boi

 **Cum Dumpster** : OOH LOOK AT THIS EDGELORD UP IN THIS BITCH BLOWIN DEM SICC CLOUDS OOOOOH BOI WE GOT A HARDASS IN THE HOUSE WATCH OUT YALLS PUSSIES ARE ABOUT TO GET SLAYED MOMMA HOOOOOOOOO

 **Edgy Emo** : I have never been so disrespected in a place that I thought was safe

 **Cum Dumpster** : its not safe if im here

 **Furry Fucker:** Your clothes are being thrown out. We don't support vapers in this house.

 **Edgy Emo:** I have never felt so betrayed

 **Wine Mom** : Nams vapes (:

 **Cum Dumpster** : actually vaping is okay

 **Edgy Emo** : i hate u

 **Daddy Kink** : why the change of heart?

 **Edgy Emo** : he wants to fuck you duh

 **Cum Dumpster** : dO NOT

 **Cum Dumpster** : gUYS NAMS IS SO HOT LIKE FUCK ID RIDE HIS ASS LIKE A PONY BOUNCE BOUNCE ON THAT DICK FUCK IDC THAT HE HAS A DADDY KINK LIKE FUCK ID LET HIM SMACK MY ASS AND CALL ME BABYBOY IDC HE CAN BE MY DADDY ANY DAY

 **Daddy Kink** : I

_Cum Dumpster has left the chat_


	4. White Boi Betta Run

**Daddy Kink** : Tae why did you steal Jimin’s phone?

 **Furry Fucker** : Yea...Sure…. Thats wat happened

_Wine Mom has invited Cum Dumpster to the chat_

**Wine Mom** : Jimin explain

 **Cum Dumpster** : I said what I said

 **Furry Fucker** : Then why u cryin in da club

 **Cum Dumpster** : shut your fuck hole

 **Furry Fucker** : You need to take that advice

 **Cum Dumpster:** I just got lit the fuck up

 **Wine Mom** : Yoongi I'm glad you're home and all but

 **Wine Mom** : How the fuck did you get shot

 **Your Local Mess** : Ight so

 **Your Local Mess** : I disassociated and ended up in texas and ended up at a trump rally and fist fought a trump supporter and got shot in the leg.

 **Your Local Mess** : Least that’s what the police report says

 **Wine Mom** : Min Yoongi (:

 **Your Local Mess** : Idk y ur surprised tbh

 **Wine Mom** : You need to sit your white skinny ass down you colossal piece of shit.

 **Edgy Emo** : Damn shorty got lit the fuck up

 **Your Local Mess** : I've split on you so hard I wont beat you within your life I'll beat you out of this fuckin realm white boy.

 **Edgy Emo** : But, , , I'm asian

 **Your Local Mess** : You sure about that Mr. I season my food with salt.

 **Edgy Emo** : Why would I wanna season my food with you..?

 **Your Problematic Fav** : WHITE BOY BETTER RUN YOONGI FUCKIN RAN OUTTA HERE

 **Daddy Kink** : Never knew he would give a shit enough about something to move that fast

 **Your Problematic Fav:** especially since he just got shot lol

 **Furry Fucker** : Jungkook jumped out of the window

 **Furry Fucker** : Like his ass went through the screen

 **Furry Fucker** : There goes our security deposit damn

 **Your Problematic Fav** : Don’t yall live on the third floor

 **Cum Dumpster** : you act like this is the first time he jumped out of the window

 **Wine Mom** : Explain

 **Furry Fucker** : Ight so dumbass here got hammered and snorted ritalin and decided that he was iron man so he jumped off the balcony

 **Wine Mom** : so that’s how he broke his ankle

 **Furry Fucker** : lol ye


	5. Dicc Gone Wrong?

**Cum Dumpster** : Aight fuckers listen up

 

**Cum Dumpster** : I’m going out clubbing with some people for a whole day

 

**Wine Mom** : What the fuck did you just call me? (:

 

**Cum Dumpster** : Now is not the time

 

**Cum Dumpster** : Somebody needs to come over here like every few hours cause Tae and Jungkook do stupid life threatening shit when they are left alone.

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : Wait… Why a whole damn day?

 

**Cum Dumpster** : It wasn’t my idea, , , blame Heechul

 

**Wine Mom** : I think I read that wrong Jimin (:

 

**Cum Dumpster** : I mean, , , Jo Kwon is going to...

 

**Wine Mom** : Imma be back I have to talk to someone

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : Wtf Jimin

 

**Cum Dumpster** : Bye sluts we pullin up

 

_ Cum Dumpster has left the chat _

 

**Edgy Emo** : Would this be a bad time to say I have a ticket to a nearby Heavy Metal concert?

 

**Wine Mom** : WHERE DID I GO WRONG???

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : Don’t be stupid and buy drugs Jungkook

 

**Edgy Emo** : Are you really one to talk Hoesucc?

 

**Your Local Mess** : Since when does this fuckin child think hes this entitled?

 

**Furry Fucker** : Since always where the fuck have you been?

 

**Your Local Mess** : lmao I’ve prolly been in another realm

 

**Wine Mom** : It’s been a few hours but I’m sure Jimin’s fine with Jo Kwon and…..Heechul

 

**Edgy Emo** : GUYS

 

**Edgy Emo** : THIS DUDE JUST SOLD ME A SHIT TON OF DRUGS AND I CAN TASTE COLORS

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : Jungkook what the fuck did I tell you

 

**Edgy Emo** : Yeah Yeah I know “DoN’t BuY dRuGs”

 

**Edgy Emo** : Who gives a shit it’s a Metal concert I wanna get lit

 

**Daddy Kink** : What the fuck

 

**Daddy Kink** : I go to the fucking studio for ONE DAY and shit goes crazy

 

**Edgy Emo** : THE GUY CAME BACK

 

**Edgy Emo** : O shit the person with them looks pissed

 

**Edgy Emo** : I’m too fucked up to die plz

 

**Your Local Mess** : Send them to me

 

**Your Local Mess** : I crave death no matter how fucked up

 

**Wine Mom** : I just spent 100 dollars at the liquor store

 

**Wine Mom** : Look what the fuck you shits make me do

 

**Edgy Emo** : Surprisingly this drug dealer is really chill???

 

**Daddy Kink** : Jin save me a bottle


	6. Dicc Definitely Gone Wrong

**Edgy Emo** : Ight so this drug dealer has a twin

 **Your Problematic Fav** : you sure you arent just really high

 **Edgy Emo** : Well my drug dealers name is bailey and his twins name is connor

 **Wine Mom** : Wait ask Bailey where he works I know a Bailey

 **Edgy Emo** : I mentioned your name and he just screamed coupons

 **Wine Mom** : I THOUGHT HE WAS A GOOD KID

 **Daddy Kink** : Is this the sweet mexican you talk about from walmart?

 **Edgy Emo** : okay hes actually Native and white and he has a shitty personality

 **Wine Mom** : add him

_Edgy Emo has added Sexy Hot Cheeto_

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : IM NOT FUCKIN MEXICAN

_Sexy Hot Cheeto has left the chat_

**Furry Fucker** : That was wildt

 **Furry Fucker** : Almost as wildt as what happened to me

 **Wine Mom:** For the love of god please tell me you didn’t get kidnapped or some shit

 **Furry Fucker** : LMAO I FUCKIN DID

 **Wine Mom** : Wait wHAT

 **Furry Fucker** : apparently I have the same name as this gang member that fucked up and these racist fuckers kidnapped me thinking I was him but I sucked all they dicks and got taco bell out of it so not the worst

 **Wine Mom** : Nams sweetie can you run to the liquor store and buy me all the vodka they have?(:

 **Daddy Kink** : I thought you wanted wine?

 **Wine Mom** : Wine aint gonna cover this aneurysm

 **Edgy Emo** : Ight so I made a new squad of friends

 **Edgy Emo** : Nvm Danni punched me and called me a sloppy asian piece of shit

 **Edgy Emo** : Danni is Asian its okay

 **Edgy Emo** : and a lot of other shit what a mutt lmao

 **Edgy Emo** : tHEY PUNCHED ME AGAIN

 **Edgy Emo:** but fr I saw Jimin blowing three dudes behind the local Thai restaurant and Heechul was nowhere to be found

 **Wine Mom** : What?(:

 **Edgy Emo** : He looked strung out on something even Bailey was concerned and he’s still trippin its been two days since he did shit

 **Your Problematic Fav** : Bring this Bailey over I need to know what kind of shit he’s got cause fuck that sounds fun

 **Wine Mom** : Hobi no

 **Your Problematic Fav** : Hobi yes

 **Edgy Emo** : gUYS CONNOR HOOKED UP WITH JIMIN BEFORE HOLY SHIT I KNEW I RECOGNIED HIM

 **Daddy Kink** : Recognied

 **Edgy Emo** : Wow namjoon youre offically the only person I know that hasn’t fucked Jimin

 **Edgy Emo** : Besides bailey and Danni but they got weird when I asked about that

 **Furry Fucker** : Lol Bailey is trans you dumbshit

 **Furry Fucker** : He’s the drag king at the club I work at

 **Furry Fucker** : WAIT SHIT I HAVENT TOLD YALL IM A DRAG QUEEN BYE

 **Wine Mom** : That’d explain the abnormal amount of wigs in your apartment

 **Furry Fucker** : listen here you alcoholic bitch boy

 **Wine Mom** : Listening

 **Furry Fucker** : I will beat you with my fake tits do not test me

 **Wine Mom** : and I’ll beat you with a wine bottle

 **Furry Fucker** : Kinky

 **Wine Mom** : what the fuck are you into

 **Furry Fucker** : A lot of shit you’ll never know


	7. The Great Kinkshame 2k17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !!! TRIGGER WARNING !!!
> 
> This chapter accidently got too real but yeah be warned if you have issues with ya father you've been warned (Both of us got the worst daddy issues dw we're just projecting)
> 
>  
> 
> Hey come scream at me on tumblr http://deliriousdanni.tumblr.com/

_Furry Fucker has invited Cum Dumpster to the chat_

**Cum Dumpster:** Aye fuckers

 **Wine Mom:** Where the fuck have you been? (:

 **Cum Dumpster:** Aight so Heechul, Jo Kwon, and I hit the clubs and shit right. So in the first club I hit up the shots and then went and hunted for some quality dick only found like three (3) in that club that I haven’t had before and went down on that shit

 **Cum Dumpster** : After that we went club hopping I lost them in like the third club lmao. After that I don’t know shit of what happened but I woke up in a fucking orgy dungeon covered in lube, cum, and I wanna say chocolate syrup and whipped cream wearing nothing but some fucking bodypaint and a butt plug

 **Furry Fucker:** thats gross

 **Cum Dumpster:** Like you have room to talk you fuckin tentacle porn loving yiffer

 **Daddy Kink** : I

 **Cum Dumpster** : You sure you wanna start speakin?

 **Cum Dumpster** : We might not have fucked yet but I still got dirt on your ass

 **Daddy Kink:** Yet?

 **Furry Fucker** : I don’t think you realize how badly he wants to get rammed by you

 **Furry Fucker:** I was literally fucking him in drag and he was like “Yes daddy hit me harder”

 **Furry Fucker** : Me? Daddy? Ew

 **Furry Fucker** : We had a long talk after that

 **Cum Dumpster** : Tae I trusted you

 **Furry Fucker** : That was your first mistake

 **Daddy Kink** : But what do you mean by dirt?

 **Edgy Emo** : JIMIN JUST FUCKING CRACKED HIS KNUCKLES JFNBNDFNB

 **Cum Dumpster** : Incident #1: Jin was fucking my ass on the kitchen island and your ass was watching from the hallway. Only reason why I know is cause your dumbass rammed into the fucking door.

 **Cum Dumpster:** Incident #2: April 28th, 2016 I came over to y’alls apartment and caught our old sweet Namjoon jerkin it to Furry Littles and moaned and I quote “that’s right baby-boy bark louder for me.”

 **Edgy Emo** : Jimin deadass ain’t playin around he brought out a giant ass binder

 **Cum Dumpster:** You think your ass is safe you little cuck boy?

 **Cum Dumpster** : Mr. “I want Gerard Way to ram me in a Pepe costume while I blow Brendon Urie in a Shrek costume” you wanna start this?

Edgy Emo: I

 **Cum Dumpster:** Jungkook, the boy who would only fuck me if Sleeping With Sirens was blasting in the background

 **Cum Dumpster** : Jungkook, the boy who told me to call him “Master Emo Daddy”?

 **Wine Mom** : iconic

 **Cum Dumpster** : You shoved a whole damn can of anchovies up my ass, ate them, and said I was a good little bowl baby

 **Cum Dumpster** : On February 18th, 2016 I walked in the apartment to see you fucking yourself with an eggplant on the island. Then you used it the next day for dinner.

 **Cum Dumpster** : On May 2nd, 2016 you fucking set your cup of protein shake on the dining room table and as you were fuckin me you had me cum in the damn shake multiple fuckin times. Then you threw that shit back in the blender and made Yoongi drink it.

 **Your Local Mess** : You fuckin what

 

_Wine Mom has left the char_

**Your Local Mess** : His ass be lucky I’m disassociated in Florida _Furry Fucker has invited Wine Mom to the chat_

 **Cum Dumpster** : March 9th, 2016 I walked in on you fucking yourself with an alien dildo and when I noticed a styrofoam container of dry ice and a tupperware bowl of Jello Eggs you said they were “alien vodka babies”. You know how most people would stop but he kept on rammin his ass and asked me to help put an egg in.

 **Wine Mom** : Well considering the amount of times we’ve fucked in public spaces I figured that wouldn’t phase you

 **Cum Dumpster** : Last I checked you were the one begging me to fuck in public places

 **Your Local Mess** : You fuckin WHAT

 **Your Local Mess** : On my fuckin birthday

 **Your Local Mess** : You whore

 **Cum Dumpster** : Okay mr I cum at the smell of fresh cash

 **Cum Dumpster** : Mr I like to be dominated by mE

 **Cum Dumpster** : Mr. I like to be beat bc it “makes the cum better”

 **Cum Dumpster** : Mr. I cum harder when i'm tied up

 **Cum Dumpster** : Mr. “Please lemme snort Gabby’s off your ass”

 **Your Problematic Fav** : Wtf Yoongi

 **Cum Dumpster** : Now this fucker decides to show up

 **Edgy Emo** : Guys Edgy Emo: He’s aggressively tuning through pages

 

 **Edgy Emo** : I’ve never seen his hands move so fast

 **Cum Dumpster** : Okay you came on my feet, you cry when you cum, you liked to be called master, you made me wear a leash and collar and walk around on all fours bc “humiliated boys are sexy boys”, you came when I called you a motherfucker, you demanded to be able to vape when you fucked me, you made Tae put me in drag and then fucked me one time, you had us roleplay little red riding hood, you’ve recorded when we fucked, you made me pour hot wax on you, you came in my ass and made me wear a plug for the whole day bc you wanted to “mark your territory”, you made me shove a fucking rod up your dick, and you made me act dead when you fucked me.

 **Cum Dumpster** : Need I say more? Furry Fucker: Damn he got LIT

 **Your Local Mess** : Jfc and I thought Jin was bad

 **Your Problematic Fav** : Okay Mr. I like my asshole gaping

 **Your Problematic Fav** : Mr. I need a dick and dildo shoved up my ass

 **Your Problematic Fav** : Mr. I like threesomes

 **Your Problematic Fav** : Mr. Whip me harder Daddy

 **Your Problematic Fav:** Mr. Rub ice against my nipples

 **Your Problematic Fav** : Mr. Call me a piece of shit cause that’s the only love I know

 **Your Problematic Fav:** Mr. Put a diaper on me and let me piss myself

 **Your Problematic Fav:** Mr. I won’t cum until commanded to

 **Your Problematic Fav** : Mr. Dress me up like a girl cause that was the only way my father ever payed attention to me

 **Your Problematic Fav** : Mr. I want a big daddy to dominate me bc I have never felt the love of a father

_Cum Dumpster has left the chat_

 

**_-Mentally Unstable Chat-_ **

 

 **Cum Dumpster** : If I kill myself it’s bc of you, Hoseok :3

 **Your Problematic Fav:** You started shit with a self medicated bipolar asshole the fuck did you expect bitch

 **Cum Dumpster** : idk nOT TO BRING UP MY SEVERE DADDY ISSUES

 **Your Local Mess** : ya bro even tho im in the 4th dimension rn I know that shit’s too far

 **Your Problematic Fav** : I AM PISSED FUCK YOU ALL

 **Your Problematic Fav** : I GOT DADDY ISSUES TOO YET I DON’T BITCH

 **Your Problematic Fav:** YOU AREN’T SPECIAL GO FUCK ONE OF YOUR FUCKIN GUYS LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO

_Your Problematic Fav has left the chat_

 

_**-Main Chat-** _

 

_Your Problematic Fav has left the chat_

**Furry Fucker:** Yo I left to make mac and cheese and now Jimin’s crying wtf???

 **Furry Fucker:** JUNG MOTHER FUCKING HOSEOK YOU’RE DEAD


	8. Aftermath of The Great Kinkshame of 2k17

**Edgy Emo** : Shit feels weird man

 **Edgy Emo** : Jimin ain’t up in here bein a slut so it’s dry

 **Edgy Emo** : Hobi ain’t here to talk about some crazy shit he did

 **Edgy Emo** : Tae’s pissed as shit cause Jimin won’t leave his fuckin room

 **Your Local Mess** : Hobi went and made a fuckin joke personal so I don’t blame him

 **Wine Mom:** Wait… How did Hobi make it personal?

 **Furry Fucker** : That’s Jimin’s to tell you man

 **Daddy Kink** : Who knows tho?

 **Edgy Emo** : Tae and I know

 **Your Local Mess** : He told Hobi and I a while ago

 **Wine Mom** : Is Jimin at least eating?

 **Furry Fucker** : Jimin? Eating? A concept

 **Furry Fucker** : Even when he’s moderately okay he eats like one (1) broccoli

 **Wine Mom** : Fuck

 **Your Local Mess** : I’m finally out of Florida lmao

 **Daddy Kink** : You’ve been there this whole time? Wtf

 **Your Local Mess** : Ye lmao

 **Daddy Kink:** What happened while you were in Florida?

 **Your Local Mess** : Well. I came to in bed between two dudes that I soon realized are my two new sugar daddies, an aching above my ass that I soon realized was a tramp stamp, my hair is now pink, and I have no pants at all. I literally stole pants from the dudes house. Oh and I also stole his car.

_Furry Fucker has invited Cum Dumpster to the chat_

**Cum Dumpster** : I’m stranded in Pittsburg and I have a broken Ankle

 **Furry Fucker** : Wait waht

 **Edgy Emo** : When did you leave tf?

 **Cum Dumpster** : Idk I dissociated and came to in Pittsburg at a truck stop

 **Your Local Mess** : Story of my life

 **Cum Dumpster** : But yeah someone get me

 **Your Local Mess** : i gotchu fam

 **Cum Dumpster** : Wait how do you have a car

 **Your Local Mess** : Lol I stole it

 **Cum Dumpster** : Remember when we made this chat and you wondered why your name was “Your Local Mess”?

 **Your Local Mess** : yea

 **Cum Dumpster** : This is why your name is Your Local Mess

 **Your Local Mess** : Thats fair

Wine Mom: Jimin stay

_Wine Mom has invited Your Problematic Fav_

**Cum Dumpster:** nah fam

 **Cum Dumpster** : I’ll go join Yoongs in florida before I listen to a word that backstabbing shit ass bitch says

 **Your Local Mess** : Florida is lit idk why you talkin shit

 **Your Problematic Fav** : Ight look you can hate me all you want, but I just wanted to say what I said was uncalled for and I’m sorry. I’m gonna get my ass on meds and stop being a piece of shit.

 **Cum Dumpster** : bring me taco bell and we can talk


	9. Jin Gets Expost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lol i was high writing this whole damn thing

**Furry Fucker:** I’m adding my friends

_Furry Fucker has added Earth Bean, Sexy Hot Cheeto, and Salty Mexican_

**Edgy Emo** : Oh drug squad

 **Wine Mom** : Bailey I had expectations of you

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : lol that was ur first mistake

 **Earth Bean** : Lmao Bailey never meets expectations

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : ok u sound like my dad

 **Wine Mom** : does everyone have daddy issues

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : lol ya

 **Earth Bean** : I mean I never met my birth father and both my step dads were pieces of shit

 **Earth Bean** : So Ye

 **Salty Mexican** : ok oversharing asshole

 **Earth Bean** : Wow I can tell you two are fucking twins. You’re both colossal pieces of shits

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : lol no wonder dad hated us

 **Wine Mom** : wait who is salty mexican

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : my twin don’t taint him Jimin already did

 **Cum Dumpster:** I’m not that bad

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Connor has told me everything

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : ya kinky bastard

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : I like you

 **Cum Dumpster** : Wait what

 **Salty Mexican** : ya he likes the weird ones idk what his deal is

 **Earth Bean** : Wait… Where’s “The short, salty, and depressed one”

 **Edgy Emo** : TAE DID YOU REALLY DESCRIBE YOONGI THAT WAY GDNFKJV

 **Furry Fucker** : lmao ye

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : lmao i am a not sober

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Jungkook fight me

 **Edgy Emo** : why

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : idk I want to

 **Your Local Mess** : I be cryin in da club

 **Furry Fucker** : why

 **Your Local Mess** : well it all began when I was born and my father decided that he didn’t want a kid so he made my life a personal hell

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : sTOP BEING ME

 **Earth Bean** : Are we all carbon copies of each other? Cause these Daddy issues boi

 **Cum Dumpster** : I NEED YOU ALL TO SHUT THE FUCK UP I GOT SOME FRESH BREWED HOT TEA

 **Furry Fucker** : Spill that shit for me

 **Cum Dumpster** : So I occasionally go to The Other Dorm™ right. Well lemme tell you that I just fuckin walked into the dorm and saw Jin sprawled out on the couch with a spraycan of Pam beside him with youtube open watchin Guy Fieri.

_Sexy Hot Cheeto has left the chat_

**Earth Bean** : Nah bitch come back here

_Earth Bean has invited Sexy Hot Cheeto to the chat_

**Earth Bean** : If I gotta see this shit so do you

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : I’d rather do cocaine off a hookers ass than see this bullshit

 **Furry Fucker** : that sounds like a fun time wym

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : brb doin shots

 **Edgy Emo** : why he have Pam out tho

 **Furry Fucker** : oh honey no

 **Edgy Emo** : I wanna mcfuckin kno

 **Your Local Mess** : And I wanna mcfuckin die

 **Earth Bean** : I wanna Dimmadie so I understand

 **Your Problematic Fav** : oooh good one

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : ight so im actually higher than fuckin jesus rn

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : imma tell yalls how i feel about yalls

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : danni fuckj u

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : also fuck u conner

 **Salty Mexican** : yOU KNOW I HATE THAT SHIT

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : e x a c t l y

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : junglebook ffite me

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : tae ur fine i guess

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : hobi i wanna be u

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : jin i wanna be on u but that doesnt need to be said

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : and i realized i pressed send goodbye cruel world

 **Furry Fucker** : knew it

 **Furry Fucker** : clockt

 **Edgy Emo** : why you callin me junglebook tf

 **Your Problematic Fav:** tf did ya ass smoke

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Quality Shit Son

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : I dont smoke that great value bullshit i smoke that sweet sweet on brand quality Marijuana

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : lol jk i hit like three dabs and I can hear the lord speaking to me

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : he says juancock is an asshole

 **Edgy Emo:** can u mcfuckin stop

 **Earth Bean** : Can you Doug Dimma Die plz

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : BITCH TF YOU THINK I’VE BEEN TRYIN TO MCFUCKIN DO

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : If yalls wanna fight we can fight

 **Earth Bean** : ya you can fight alright you just fell off the couch and started screaming ok

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Mc Fuckin Kill Yourself

 **Earth Bean** : Tf you think I’ve been trynna do my whole life???

 **Your Local Mess** : This bitch trynna come for my title

 **Wine Mom** : I Wine Mom: Have been exposet

 **Furry Fucker** : Oi bucko see what Bailey said

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : i want u to chug a whole damn gallon of bleach

 **Wine Mom** : I have not

 **Wine Mom** : I now have

 **Wine Mom** : I am choosing to ignore it

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Fuck u just rejecdt ,e in a better way ya pussy

 **Wine Mom** : We’ll talk when you’re sober (:

 **Salty Mexican** : lol u fucked up son

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : c h o k e

 **Wine Mom** : oh jungkook the Pam was used as lube it works great lmao try it sometime

 **Edgy Emo** : I

 **Edgy Emo** : am disgusted

 **Wine Mom** : don’t kinkshame me

 **Edgy Emo** : Kinkshaming is my kinks

 **Salty Mexican** : nasty ass


	10. Dildo Launching Escapades

 

**Furry Fucker** : im fiuk

 

**Furry Fucker** : i aptrd twbe pogs off craigjket

 

**Furry Fucker** : anff a gerlbl

 

**Wine Mom** : I only understood dogs and gerbil

 

**Salty Mexican** : Translation: I’m drunk, I adopted twelve dogs off of craigslist, and a gerbil

 

**Wine Mom** : h o w

 

**Salty Mexican** : When u work at a drag bar with him you get used to this shit

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : lol danni @ me

 

**Earth Bean** : u rite

 

**Cum Dumpster** : Tae….

 

**Cum Dumpster** : Return them rn

 

**Furry Fucker** : byr himin gety nrred a hunm

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Translation: But Jimin they need a home

 

**Edgy Emo** : They can get a home elsewhere 

 

**Cum Dumpster** : You bring those fuckin dogs home I’ll evict us faster than you can put on fake tits.

 

**Salty Mexican** : Shit boi

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : thats fast as fuck boi

 

**Furry Fucker** : teh uger is tajin me hime 

 

**Earth Bean** : Translation: The Uber is taking me home

 

**Cum Dumpster** : Junglebook get your ass over here we are evicting ourselves

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : Y’all bitches forgettin im here

 

**Cum Dumpster** : You’re here to record what happens to these bitches

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : Aight so Jimin just grabbed his largest dildo. Juancuck just pulled up youtube and they listening to [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duoJTd_0W7w&t=150s ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duoJTd_0W7w&t=150s)

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : JIMIN JUST THREW THE DILDO OFF THE BALCONY

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : DNBDLF O ONBJNDF IT HIT A FUCKING SECURITY GUARD ON THE HEAD

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Lmao u goin to jail bucko

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : lmao nah Jimin let the Security Guard raw him like 107 times

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : not at once of course

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : Jungkook and Jimin are acting like they fuckin in the fuckin hallway 

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : THE LANDLORD FUCKIN WALKED UP HERE  ALDFMVLAFDB

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : He fuckin shredded the lease in front of their face they gotta pack and leave by like noon tomorrow

 

**Cum Dumpster** : Now the dogs have no home

 

**Furry Fucker** : whet tge fucvk humin

 

**Wine Mom** : I foresaw this shit happening there's an apartment here that I’ve had reserved for when some shit happened

 

**Furry Fucker** : waht

 

**Wine Mom** : u read me

 

**Salty Mexican** : actually he didn’t for once


	11. Yoongi Almost Kills Namjoon Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aight so for a forewarning shit gets heated and personal there is a lot of trauma here. Like Everybody (-4 people) have a Traumatic Backstory. Mentions of abuse, slavery, neglect, conversion therapy, and a lot of phobias.
> 
> Shit got real af
> 
> Both of us writing the fic are Trans males and are horrendously mentally fucked up before you wanna give us any hate for shit that was said (-:

 

**Daddy Kink** : Are we just going to ignore what happened the other day or????

 

**Cum Dumpster** : What. Do. You. Mean? :))))))

 

**Daddy Kink** : I mean the fuck shit happened between you and Hobi

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : What fuck shit?

 

**Your Local Mess** : I don’t remember any fuck shit happenin?

 

**Daddy Kink** : You know it’s very unhealthy to not talk about your problems

 

**Your Local Mess** : You wanna talk about problems?

 

**Your Local Mess** : Let’s talk about problems

 

**Your Local Mess** : My Mom wanted to abort me as soon as she knew she was pregnant with me and she regrets not doing it to this very day, my Dad abused me as child and slammed my head against a bathtub, I was verbally abused for my weight on a daily basis my entire life despite being a healthy weight, I fuckin started self harmed when I was eleven, my step-father made me a slave, my first and only actual relationship with a guy was like a few years of him abusing me, and to this day I have a crippling social anxiety problem, and an eating disorder that won’t quit :))))))))))

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : Ight so my mom wanted another daughter but surprise surprise I was a boy so she made my life a living hell and when I turned out to be a feminine gay boy she was livid and so was my dad bc why not project your shitty hyper masculine ideology on your son who just wants to dance and wear nail polish and be dainty and shit?? So my dad and I got into a couple physical fights and eventually I was kicked out at 15 and had to resort to drug dealing to pay for food and ended up bipolar as shit with severe issues with authority (((((:

 

**Cum Dumpster** : I was born a female and knew shit wasn’t right at a young af age and told my family about it, my dad forced me to become a prostitute in hopes that it would make me come to terms with being a female (spoiler alert it didn’t), I saved up money from being a prostitute in order to save up for surgeries and to move out when I hit a good age, to this fuckin day I get people telling me I’m too feminine to be a guy even from you fucking guys so i’ve prolly split on all your asses at one point. Btw I’m still a prostitute :))))))))))))))))))))

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Ight cuck lord here's what's good so yalls know I was born a girl bc Tae outed my ass but ya see here my daddy is a sexist asshole and didn't want a daughter so I got my ass lit up as a kid for fuckin breathing. Didn't help that my dad was a fuckin drug addict and loved drugs more than his own damn kids. Oh and he beat our step mom in front of us. Connor got it easy but he still got lit up for being gay and shit and our mom is a bipolar alcoholic so when we weren't at our dads we were dealing with our mom who was lowkey verbally abusive when she had her bipolar rage but I digress. Least she never hit us like our dad did. Fuck dude. Throwing us down stairs, at walls, locking us in closets, forcing us to to outrageous amounts of chores while our half brother sat around and did fuck ass nothing, depriving us of food, threatening our lives, the usual daddy issue fuck shit. Oh and then the obligatory rape x2 for me and Connor had conversion therapy so PTSD is lit. Oh my ass also ended up with an ed, manic depression, a fuckin personality disorder, and a drug problem from hell. Connor got the basic run of the mill post-abuse shit and anxiety so bad he can't even function without meds. I've been sober for three years but fuck I'd kill for a line. I feel my damn skin burn because of the cravings. Connor has been hospitalized 16 times for anxiety reasons. You wanted us to share our problems? We fuckin shared. Ya satisfied or does your bitch ass want the details of how my daddy beat me unconscious? Give me an age and I'll give you a beating.

 

**Earth Bean** : My mom wanted to fuckin abort my ass as a kid, Idk who tf my real dad is, my first step-dad made me a slave and only came around to fuck my mom, give her money, and bail, my second step-dad outed my ass for self-harming and we don’t even fuckin talk anymore really. My mom has bipolar rage like a bitch and makes me do chores that really don’t need to be done, I’m practically a Trans guy and hate my birth name and I get misnamed and misgendered on a fuckin daily, I've been verbally abused all my life, which caused me to have borderline personality disorder, depression, an ED, Anxiety, Bipolar, and who knows what the fuck else.

 

**Daddy Kink** : But you guys all seem so normal

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : are you fuckin kidding me up in this bitch right here right now

 

**Cum Dumpster** : yeah sweetie it's called we hide it from people like you bc when we show our symptoms we get fucking shunned (((((((-:

 

**Earth Bean** : Or we get fucking told that “it’s not that big of a deal” or “You’re only using your issues as an excuse” (-:

 

**Salty Mexican** : oR we get locked away (-:

 

**Your Local Mess** : we hide our shit bc were used to people not giving a single fuck if we're dead or alive so fuck you (-:

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : so yeah imagine being told you're a pile of human waste and then getting all fucked up and when you reach out for help your family only makes it worse so you become “high functioning” (-:

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : eat my ass with that “normal” fuck shit

 

**Earth Bean** : There’s also the fact we are used to hiding all our other problems from our abusers so that they don’t hurt us more (-:

 

**Your Local Mess** : in summary- fuck you we all hate you right now eat our messy fucked up asses and go straight into the pits of satans cottage cheese lookin and smellin cellulite

 

**Daddy Kink** : a fuck off would've worked too

 

**Earth Bean** : You don’t deserve the niceties of a “fuck off” fuckin cuck ass egg lookin boy

 

**Earth Bean** : We aren’t all fuckin neurotypical Janice

 

_Earth Bean has left the chat_

 

_Your Problematic Fav has left the chat_

 

_Your Local Mess has left the chat_

 

_Cum Dumpster has left the chat_

 

**Wine Mom** : Who the fuck hurt my children

 

**Furry Fucker** : I LITERALLY LEAVE TO MAKE A FUCKIN QUESADILLA AND THIS SHIT HAPPENS

 

**Edgy Emo** : Damn if I knew this fuck shit were gonna happen I woulda came in sooner

 

**Wine Mom** : Kim mother fucking Namjoon your sleeping on the park bench (-:


	12. POST UP

**Daddy Kink** : can I come back home yet

 **Wine Mom** : no :)

 **Daddy Kink** : its been three days pls

 **Furry Fucker** : Have you guys heard from or seen the others? I haven't since SOMEONE fucked up and pissed them off (-:

 **Edgy Emo:** I know but I've been payed with 8 (eight) bottles of Fireball and 20 (twenty) grams of weed courtesy of Hobi to not say shit

 **Furry Fucker** : Fair

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : lmao we is in Korea

 **Daddy Kink** : Why are you in Korea?

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Whom are you?

_Sexy Hot Cheeto has changed Daddy Kink’s name to Fake Ass Bitch Ass pOST UP_

**Fake Ass Bitch Ass pOST UP** : rly

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : post up fag ass

 **Fake Ass Bitch Ass pOST UP** : im straight

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : yeah and I don’t have daddy issues

 **Fake Ass Bitch Ass pOST UP** : but you just said otherwise

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : And Tae said you were the brains of the group

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : as Donald Trump says

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : wRONG

 **Furry Fucker** : CNN FAKE NEWSSSS

 **Fake Ass Bitch Ass pOST UP** : Guys I get it I fucked up can you fuckin let it go?

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto:** our grudge holding asses letting you off this quick would be too fuckin easy. Tae fuckin fucked with my bed once two fuckin years ago and I still have a grudge over that sweetie (-: -Yoongi

_Sexy Hot Cheeto changed Fake Ass Bitch Ass’s name to Daddy Kink_

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : He pmed me saying he was crying bc he felt so guilty so I decided to be a little nice

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto:** but you can still get fucked

 **Edgy Emo** : You asking them to let it go is like asking Jimin to not be a slut. Its just not gonna happen :/

_Salty Mexican has added Earth Bean to the chat_

**Earth Bean** : Listen hear fake ass gay ass piece of flappy shit you said some dumb ass fuck shit the other day. Your Neurotypical ass didn't have any right to walk up in here and say that shit all in front of our salads. We work out our issues our way you handle your shit your way. Which shoulda been done in the first place but nah you're a lil cuck boi and we shouldn't have expected so much of you. Earth Bean: Now I wanna stop fighting this asian piece of shit in order to fight another asian piece of shit meaning Yoongi

 **Edgy Emo** : Get lit tf up Cuck Boi Furry Fucker: What did Yoongi do now?

 **Earth Bean** : HIS LITTLE ASIAN ASS PUSHED ME CAUSE HE SAW A DICK WORTH RIDING AND WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF TALKING ABOUT SELF HARMING

 **Earth Bean** : I WAS JUST GETTING TO THE GOOD SHIT TOO

 **Edgy Emo** : Not surprised just disappointed Daddy Kink: I think someone just mistook me for a prostitute

 **Cum Dumpster** : Happens to me all the time you're not special cuck boi

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : where the hell even are you

 **Cum Dumpster** : In the back riding the bartender like a god

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Brb

 **Earth Bean** : Why the fuck is Bailey jumping over the bar????

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto:** DANNI WE GOTTA FUCKING GO

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : FORGET THE TINY ASIANS AND GET IN THE CAR I HAVE A HUNDRED ASIANS SCREAMING AT ME FURIOUSLY GET IN THE FUCKING CAR AND OPEN THE TRUNK

 **Wine Mom** : Pls bring some back with you


	13. MK Ultra

**Edgy Emo** : Pizza rolls are the best depression food and you can fight me on it

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : idk man have u tried my depression fries???? They’re fucking hella bOMB AF

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Yes I am on drugs

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Molly to be exact

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Thnx Hobi

 

**Earth Bean** : SO ABOUT THE ILLUMINATI

 

**Furry Fucker** : I saw illuminati

 

**Furry Fucker** : I'm listening

 

**Earth Bean** : MK ULTRA is still alive and well

 

**Furry Fucker** : Sis I've been knew

 

**Cum Dumpster** : Oh Jesus not again

 

**Earth Bean** : Hush you used condom the adults are talking

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : I

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : I ain’t even Jimin and I’m offended

 

**Earth Bean** : :-)

 

**Earth Bean** : Anyway

 

**Earth Bean** : Donald Trump's youngest son is a MK Ultra victim gone wrong

 

**Furry Fucker** : Explain

 

**Earth Bean** : THAT IS THE FACE OF A TRAUMATIZED CHILD MY BOY

 

**Earth Bean** : HE LOOKS SO UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND HIS OWN DAMB FATHER

 

**Furry Fucker** : You gotta point

 

**Furry Fucker** : You kno who I think are MK ULTRA victims?

 

**Earth Bean** : Lemme get knew sis

 

**Furry Fucker** : Yoongi and Namjoon

 

**Your Local Mess** : Wut

 

**Earth Bean** : Explain

 

**Furry Fucker** : Well just look at Yoongi

 

**Furry Fucker** : his traumatic past and shit clearly MK ULTRA

 

**Furry Fucker** : Namjoon is too politically woke and his views on mental illness are way too cloudy and bullshit to be real… He also looks like a government slave so you kno

 

**Earth Bean** : oooooh u right

 

**Salty Mexican** : Would you two fuckin shut up about MK ULTRA

 

**Salty Mexican** : This is all I hear at work Istg

 

**Salty Mexican** : conspiracy theory after conspiracy theory

 

**Salty Mexican** : AND WHEN I GET HOME ITS EVEN WORSE CAUSE MY TWIN SUCKS ASS

 

**Cum Dumpster** : Wut?

 

**Cum Dumpster** : Who’s suckin ass

 

**Earth Bean** : Aight Tae and I have come to a decision

 

**Furry Fucker** : You’re all MK Ultra victims

 

**Earth Bean** : But it’s okay my children there is redemption

 

**Wine Mom** : I hate all of you

 

**Edgy Emo** : Where’s the Daddy Kink fucker??   
  


**Your Local Mess** : Don’t know don’t care

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : Aight so I’m either hallucinating or Namjoon is climbing in through the window above the bathtub

 

**Edgy Emo** : lmao

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : ITS NOT FUNNY I HAVE A HAND ON MY DICK AND HIS ASS FELL IN THE BATHTUB AND BROKE THE FAUCET????? AND I MIGHT HAVE PISSED ON HIM

 

**Wine Mom** : He broke my bathtub faucet??? :)))

 

**Your Local Mess** : Good Job Hobi

 

**You Problematic Fav** : His dumbass broke his fuckin phone

 

**Wine Mom** : Who gives a flying fuck about the phone. He broke my faucet.

 

**Cum Dumpster** : But how much did you piss on him tho….?

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : Full fuckin bladder bois

 

**Furry Fucker** : Good Man

 

**Wine Mom** : Someone better fix my faucet yesterday


	14. Boneless

**Cum Dumpster** : BOIIIIII I JUST GOT RAWED SO WELLL OMG

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : BOIIIII MY HEART JUST GOT R A W E D

 

**Earth Bean** : I just rawed a meatless Boneless Pizza

 

**Edgy Emo** : WAIT

 

**Furry Fucker** : AND YOUR BITCHASS DIDNT SHARE THE BONELESS PIZZA

 

**Earth Bean** : Tae… Jungle book

 

**Earth Bean** : Both of your high asses were here

 

**Earth Bean** : We ate like 7 boxes of Boneless Pizza

 

**Your Local Mess** : Lmao ED what’s good

 

**Cum Dumpster** : Aight good for you fuckers but I got RAWED

 

**Wine Mom** : That’s great sweetie but what’s this about Bailey gettin his heart rawed?

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : so y’all

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : There’s this girl right

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : And I’ve liked her for like 4 months

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : And today at work she did THAT

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : What is that you may be asking

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Well my boys let me tell you

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : She messaged Danni over here about what my fav flowers and all that shit was

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : and tHEN

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Asked me, ME, out

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Ofc I said yes my ass is Whipped

 

**Wine Mom** : IM SO PROUD WTF

 

**Daddy Kink** : Congrats

 

**Edgy Emo** : Das Gay

 

**Salty Mexican** : Das what I said

 

**Cum Dumpster** : I also need someone to take me to the ER cause I have like ten (10) Easter Eggs stuck up my ass

 

**Furry Fucker** : YOURE IN YOUR OWN BEDROOM HOW

 

**Cum Dumpster** : Don’t ask you can either grab the lube and help get them out or you can get me to the ER

 

**Furry Fucker** : John Cock bring all your lube to Jimin’s room

 

**Edgy Emo** : Aight

 

**Wine Mom** : Why can’t we have peace for one (1) day???

 

**Your Local Mess** : Does anybody need anything in Long Island?

 

**Furry Fucker** : A Keychain

 

**Wine Mom** : What the fuck Yoongi?

 

**You Local Mess** : I disassociated on the bus and got off as soon as I came to and now I’m in Long Island

 

**Wine Mom** : At least eat something

 

**Your Local Mess** : I already had a sandwich today I’m good

 

**Wine Mom** : Yoongi you had that sandwich at noon

 

**Wine Mom** : It is now 9 at night plz

 

**Your Local Mess** : Your point?

 

**Earth Bean** : At least you ate something decent

 

**Furry Fucker** : *side eyes Bailey*

 

**Edgy Emo** : *side eyes Bailey*

 

**Salty Mexican** : *side eyes Bailey*

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : *side eyes Bailey*

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : listen here you tiny faggots

 

**Furry Fucker** : Listening

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : just because all I've had today was a redbull and bugles does not mean I'm bad

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : it just means I hate myself

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : I'll be the pinnacle of health one day but not today

 

**Salty Mexican** : you're gonna die

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : bet

 

**Wine Mom** : Keep your door unlocked. Mama’s comin over with some supper

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : oh

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : oh nO

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Danni how could you do me like this

 

**Earth Bean** : s’not that hard

 

**Earth Bean** : You got a choice of quality Boneless Pizza or you can have The Mom Fag™ come over

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : look can I just not eat in pEACE

 

**Salty Mexican** : no

 

**Wine Mom** : did you call me a fag bc you right

 

**Your Local Mess** : Ever since two (2) other people with an ED joined in my life has been so much easier

 

**Wine Mom** : Ight make that two fuckers I'm making dinner for

 

**Your Local Mess** : fuck

 

**Earth Bean** : Suddenly I gotta leave New York idk y

 

**Wine Mom** : Three (3)

 

_Earth Bean has left the chat_

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : pussy

 

_Sexy Hot Cheeto has invited Earth Bean to the chat_

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : lemme say this again

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : pussy

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : das u

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : if im goin down bitch you comin with

 

**Earth Bean** : fuk u


	15. Bussy

**Your Local Mess** : I need someone to help me move out

 **Your Local Mess** : Like yesterday

 **Daddy Kink** : ??

 **Edgy Emo** : Why?

 **Your Local Mess** : Jin fuckin walked out of the kitchen with a pink apron on cake batter splatters all over it with cake batter on his hands throwin out finger guns yelling “GANG GANG WHAT’S GOOD IN THE NEIGH-BOR-HOOD” in The Whitest Voice Possible™ and imma kermit

 **Edgy Emo** : I’m on my way

 **Cum Dumpster** : Lol yalls know the Catholic family down the hall?

 **Furry Fucker** : Ya

 **Cum Dumpster** : I got fucked by their son

 **Furry Fucker** : Raw?

 **Cum Dumpster** : r a w

 **Edgy Emo** : Nasty ass

 **Cum Dumpster:** Least I can get a dick in my ass

 **Your Problematic Fav:** Was the dick bomb tho?

 **Cum Dumpster** : eh 4/10 Cum Dumpster: he’s obvi a het

 **Furry Fucker** : Disappointing

 **Cum Dumpster:** I ain’t even mad lol

 **Cum Dumpster:** I got rawed by a fuckin homophobe

 **Earth Bean:** Did you pop that bussy for him tho?

 **Cum Dumpster** : pop that what

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : b u s s y

 **Furry Fucker** : POP THAT BUSSY FOR ME BABYYYYYYY

 **Salty Mexican** : No

 **Salty Mexican** : god is fuckin dead

 **Your Local Mess:** I hate all of you

 **Your Problematic Fav** : Bitch I just supplied you with three (3) joints

 **Wine Mom:** So you can smoke all the fuckin weed you want but you won’t even eat a cracker

 **Your Local Mess:** That’s not me that’s Jimin

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : DANNI THERES A FUCKING BAT IN THE HOUSE

 **Earth Bean** : cool a new pet

 **Salty Mexican:** that’s what you said last time you cuck

 **Wine Mom** : Why is there a last time???

 **Salty Mexican:** We get a bat in the house once a year

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : false alarm im just rly high

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : It was a screwdriver

 **Earth Bean:** I

 **Earth Bean:** How

 **Salty Mexican:** You’re a disgrace to this family

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : U rite

 **Edgy Emo** : First of all waht???

 **Edgy Emo** : Second of all Tae why the fuck is the fridge empty?¿?

 **Furry Fucker** : What do you mean? I bought food yesterday??

 **Cum Dumpster** : It was all junk food and isn't good for you soooo I cleaned it out

 **Edgy Emo** : You fuckin WUT

 **Furry Fucker** : HOW WAS IT JUNK FOOD

 **Furry Fucker** : FOR ONCE I GOT SOMEWHAT HEALTHY FOOD

 **Cum Dumpster** : Hot Pockets aren’t healthy food dude

 **Furry Fucker** : I tried

 **Furry Fucker** : I bought an apple

 **Your Local Mess:** Ahh counting calories I see you

 **Wine Mom** : What do you mean “counting calories”? (:

 **Cum Dumpster** : Yoongi’s been doing it for a month :-)

 **Your Local Mess** : I see where I stand

 **Wine Mom** : Tae, June Bach I need you over here last decade

 **Edgy Emo** : Is it so hard to spell my name right??

 **Furry Fucker** : Nah but I'm on my way with the infant


	16. The St8 1 isn't that St8

**Daddy Kink** : Help me

 

**Furry Fucker** : ???

 

**Daddy Kink** : How did you guys know you were gay?

 

**Cum Dumpster** : Idk I came out the womb doin a split on the doctors dick

 

**Your Local Mess** : ^

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : ^^

 

**Edgy Emo** : ^^^

 

**Wine Mom** : ^^^^

 

**Furry Fucker** : ^^^^^

 

**Your Local Mess** : I mean if you see a dude and be like “damn I wanna ride that dick”

 

**Daddy Kink** : but like what if it's a “damn I wanna pound dat ass”

 

**Your Local Mess** : Well congrats you're a faggot

 

**Cum Dumpster** : I'll be glad to help you figure out ;)

 

**Daddy Kink** : Sure come on over

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : Dam I didn't think that would work

 

**Cum Dumpster** : IME RUNNINFG

 

**Furry Fucker** : JIMIN YOURE WEARING A THONG AND A BUTTPLUG WHAT ARE YOU DOING

 

**Cum Dumpster** : TAE I GET TO HELP A MAN GO GAY LET ME BE

 

**Edgy Emo** : Mans got a point

 

_ Daddy Kink has left the chat _

 

_ Cum Dumpster has left the chat _

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : O

 

**Earth Bean** : O

 

**Wine Mom** : I hate all of you

 

**Earth Bean** : That's nothing my mother hasn't told me before

 

**Your Local Mess** : I NEED A PLACE TO GO HOLY SHIT THEY'RE LOUD

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : The doors open

 

**Your Local Mess** : THANK FUCKIN GOD

 

**Your Problematic Fav** : I'm comin over I got weed

 

**Earth Bean** : yeet yourself and your weed over here pussy boi

 

**Furry Fucker** : I'm comin too


	17. Bitchy College Students

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the unexplained hiatus life happens

**Wine Mom** : There's this bitch named Ashley in my culinary class and she deadass asked what part of the cow the trout came from. A TROUT.

 

**Earth Bean** : and then after you left the asked if there was anyway she could bake a cake at 600 for 5 minutes and it be okay.

 

**Daddy Kink** : How is she in College?

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Some cunt in my CNA class got the liver and lung confused.

 

**Brosucc** : Some hoe in my dance class fucked the instructor and started bragging about it.

 

**Cum Dumpster** : That hoe was me

 

**Brosucc** : wait then why was Ally talking about it like she did it

 

**Cum Dumpster** : listen…. I was really desperate and so was she and shit happened

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : oH

 

**Edgy Emo** : This asshole named Brian refused to draw the model because it was a man and said that it’s against his religion 

 

**Daddy Kink** : Someone dropped their text book in my class and disturbed my studying

 

**Earth Bean** : A real problem Mr. Daddy Kink is someone taking home their laptop to take off viruses and coming back with more viruses  from porn sites that I later had to wipe off.

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Was it Namjoon’s laptop cause that would make perfect sense

 

**Daddy Kink** : I didnt ask for this roast

 

**Furry Fucker** : This bitch Tiffany thought selfies were the only type of photography

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : LIVER AND LUNG

 

**Wine Mom** : COW

 

**Earth Bean** : AND

 

**Wine Mom** : TROUT

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Mine can kill someone

 

**Your Local Mess** : Some douchebag asked me to do his essay on your opinion about Trump. The easiest assignment we've gotten this year.

 

**Brosucc** : I got paid 50 bucks to do someones math homework

 

**Daddy Kink** : Did you?

 

**Brosucc** : yhea with my barely passing ass

 

**Brosucc** : speaking of I need someone who can quickly learn choreography to help me

 

**Cum Dumpster** : omw

 

**Wine Mom** : I need more wine before our next class

 

**Earth Bean** : Im just not going to it all we'll be doing is getting acquainted with filleting a fish

 

**Wine Mom** : How do you know?

 

**Earth Bean** : I have blackmail on the teacher so he has to do whatever I want like give me a full schedule for the entire year.

 

**Sexy Hot Cheeto** : SOMEONE JUST MESSAGED ME ASKING ME WHY THE HEART IS SO CLOSE TO THE SIDE OF THE STOMACH I CANT FUCKIN TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE.


	18. All The Drugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jungkook does shrooms and shit hits the fan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey it's us, your favorite messy gays back at it with another chapter after almost 8 months of not posting but like...life is a thing and it ain't always gucci so like
> 
> enjoy this chapter that took us like four months to write lmao

**Wine Mom** : Who the fuck gave Jungkook shrooms

 **Daddy Kink** : Excuse?

 **Wine Mom** : You fuckin heard me

 **Brosucc** : I dont have shrooms in my stock currently so it wasnt me

_Your Local Mess has left the chat_

_Wine Mom has added Your Local Mess to the chat_

**Wine Mom** : I think the fuck not

 **Your Local Mess** : look the little fucker asked what shrooms were like and I was all “here u go lil bud” and he ate the whole damn bag I gave him nOT MY FAULT HE DYING

 **Earth Bean** : Good

 **Wine Mom** : The fUCK do you mean good bitch

 **Earth Bean** : I MEAN it’s good he ain’t a lil bITCH and ate the whole damn bag

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Only lil pussy ass bITCHES take a “normal dose” c:

 **Wine Mom** : How the fuck aren’t yall dumasses dead in a ditch yet?

 **Your Local Mess** : uh yeah fam idek myself i’ve woken up in ditches but haven’t died yet tragically

 **Your Local Mess** : idk its probably that bitch ass jesus those lil fucks come to our house to yell at us about and how he’ll save us from eternal hell

 **Your Local Mess** : but those het fucks don’t know my chaotic gay ass was born in hell so

 **Wine Mom** : Update- Jungkook is sitting on a chair in the shower having a talk with the shower head

 **Wine Mom** : They’re having a nice conversation about their childhoods apparently

 **Earth Bean** : What’s he sayin tho? O.o?

 **Wine Mom** : He had that Good Christian Suburban Life™ but then his ass had to leave private school and then he learned “the ways of the weed”

 **Brosucc** : ok but what are the “ways of the weed”?

 **Wine Mom** : Bitch you came outta the womb with a lit joint too high to know that you were born stfu

 **Brosucc** : ok fax tho Wine Mom: Ok for you fucks that wanna know his meaning behind “way of the weed” apparently he smoked his first joint when he was 15, got so high that he puked, cried inside of a dumpster, and then he felt “the thing those neurotypicals call happiness”

 **Wine Mom** : and then a year later he was expelled for having drugs on school grounds so like that’s where we at

Earth Bean: 15? Weak but a PHat mood on everything else

 **Daddy Kink** : Why would he risk his education for one weed?

 **Your Local Mess** : Why would you risk your life with these dumb ass questions?

 **Salty Mexican** : one (1) weed

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Bitch I risked my education with a pound of cocaine tf you mean “one (1) weed”

 **Earth Bean** : I mean

 **Earth Bean** : If you gon fuckin do it then d o i t

 **Brosucc** : I mean I didn't risk my education cause I was the dealer for my principal so :/

 **Daddy Kink** : Why would you guys do such risky things when education is so important?

 **Earth Bean** : LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **Brosucc** : depression l m a o

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : Do you need to be reminded about That Conversation™

 **Your Local Mess** : *cracks knuckles*

 **Daddy Kink** : pls no

 **Daddy Kink:** I want to f o r g e t

 **Your Local Mess** : not as long as i’m stuck here bITCH

 **Wine Mom** : Uhhh y’all

 **Wine Mom** : Where the fuck are the two messy bottom bitches?

 **Earth Bean** : Im right here tf you mean?

 **Wine Mom** : I meant the Korean ones, not the crockpot one

 **Earth Bean** : ok valid point made

 **Earth Bean** : bUT I am The Messy Bottom Bitch™

 **Your Local Mess** : Okay but are you so messy that you decided to convince your dad that you needed $500 for whatever the fuck and decided to drag Jimin to Russia to reincarnate Vladimir Lenin?

 **Earth Bean** : no but fuckin g o a l s

 **Earth Bean** : BAILEY I HAVE AN IDEA

 **Wine Mom** : You two lost your idea privilege

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : meet me in the dms and we can discuss this further

 **Wine Mom** : Wait hold up

 **Wine Mom** : Why did you let those two gays go to R U S S I A

 **Wine Mom** : to go pull some necromancy on a cOMMUNIST

 **Sexy Hot Cheeto** : ok don’t bash Daddy Lenin

 **Wine Mom** : honestly

 **Wine Mom** : shut the fuck up

 **Your Local Mess** : ye they in Russia lmao

 **Wine Mom** : f u c k 


End file.
